One of the reasons for starting this blog was creating a space unlike my other blog. The reason: I didn’t want to create noise and fractured blog. This is because I Am Jonah is still a huge work in progress. It is still an attempt. An endeavour that is still stifled in a sense. The evolution of I Am Jonah blog is something, for many reasons, I’m still grappling with.
Vulnerability continues to be a scary thing. I hate to admit it, but it is intimidating. I haven’t hit “publish” on a several drafts. As much as I’ve said I primarily write for myself, I still can’t stop thinking about what the audience will think. (By the way, “audience” includes you)
To some extent, I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t, in some way, think about how he or she’s perceived. This is a scary admission: I haven’t felt I could express I Am Jonah as I envisioned because, again, I find myself in a moment where I seem to get stuck because of what people might think.
One of the reasons I guess I struggle with expression, as I intended when I started this blog, is because I want to reach two audience groups, which usually don’t meet on the same platform. I’d like to be real without being judged by either.
I guess being vulnerable, and real, is not free of consequence. What consequences do I fear? Perhaps that Christ followers will say I don’t meet the standard and others saying I’m not real enough. Perhaps I fear that I might not also be competent to defend my faith. I’m not the smartest.
Should part of the evolution of I Am Jonah blog be about where I struggle with making a satisfactory case for what I believe? Am I the only one who wants others to just listen to what I believe and be OK with it without judging me? This actually sounds like many who don’t believe like I do.
Could the challenge then, be to listen to each other. Would it be fair for me to ask everyone else to listen to what I believe in the hope that they too come to share my faith without a dialogue? Could this be what has put many others off what I believe and by default, represent?
One of the reasons I haven’t published many posts here, lately, is because I honestly haven’t been sure about the direction to take or continue in. Maybe not sure about direction is accurate.
I guess I want every Christ follower to be real. This is for their own sake, the sake of the community of believers and at the same time for the sake of the world. I must still admit that I want to be real without it counting against me with those who don’t share or understand my faith. Is this even possible or I’m just being delusional?
Can I mention God without it becoming a barrier for those who don’t believe like I do? Am I helpless to change perceptions? Can I also be real without be ostracised by those who share the same faith or beliefs with me?
How well do I write / communicate? Is it clear and understandable? Am I the only who struggles with how being vulnerable about my faith to the world is received by everyone?
I suppose, and hope, these questions are for evolution of I Am Jonah blog as I publish more. Can you identify with me in any way?