I tried to read as widely as I can. I’m generally fascinated by biographies. Biographies of people who made a notable impact, waves, disruptions of sort. One of history’s figures I’ve had interest in was Genghis Khan. He shaped the history and direction of a people and continent. After conquering a city, he inquired about a large building. He thought it was the sultan’s but it turned out to be a place of worship. This was problematic for the Mongols.
In the quest for simplicity and understanding, I believe humanity has tried to simplify by putting a label on everything. We just have to have a label on everything. Instead, the quest for simplicity and clarity has made some things more complex and life a little more challenging.
We’ve tried to have everything defined. Tried to manage everything by having it in labeled boxes we carefully manage so that they don’t bump. We’ve reduced our lives into compartments.
In Genesis God gave Adam and Eve life. He didn’t give them a family life, a physical life, or a spiritual life. The same applies for us. We tend to look at our lives as segments. Fractured.
I’m guilty of trying to manage areas of my life as compartments. Perhaps the most absurd of all the compartments is the “spiritual life” segment. Somehow I believed and made others believe that life is managed in segments. That we best please God when we correctly check of doing stuff in each box.
That if my “spiritual life”, whatever that is, has fit the hour box I set aside for the day then God is happy and so should the other boxes of live. It is absurd that God existed in certain confines of my diary, and at my convenience, for my convenience.
I have no “spiritual life” anymore. I mean, I decided God is greater than the diary space I can afford Him. When I restrict God to only certain aspects of my life I’ve, painfully, discovered that I miss out on the other experiences of Him in my life completely.
I’ve been that guy stupid enough to think that there times to spend time with God, do His work and actually not see that all of my life is His work and I belong to Him wholly.
I’ve been arrogant and stupid to confine God to certain hours and parts of my life [Click to Tweet]
How dare I give God a time limit for interaction with Him? Sadly I even told Him when He could speak to me. I shudder at the thought of how much I miss when I restrict hearing God to a slot in my diary and think that there is nothing more I could hear or encounter with Him outside of the confines of a diary slot.
Could I have made God an extra item to manage?
The totality of who I am and my life, with its complexities cannot be split up in my compartments. Does God only exist in a particular spot my life? Your life? What confines have you only come to expect Him in?
I must remember that He surrounds everything. He is with me and as I go about life He is.
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Because I (claim to) have a relationship with God, I should have all the answers. That’s an expectation my friends who aren’t in the same faith boat as I am say. (Everybody believes in something, even if it’s nothing). I also have Christ-following friends who take it since I have followed Christ for longer I should understand God better. They feel that because of this I should also have all the answers.
The truth is I’ve been through a period where I tried to answer every question in my bid to for them to understand God and my faith. Yes, I have been that arrogant. I mean, want to answer everything about God. About why He does things the way He does.
There are some things I have an understanding of. Also, there are a lot of things I still don’t understand. I’m that guy who claims to claims to have direct access to God so why don’t I have the answers to all of life’s challenges? Why can I not make a great case for God? How can I follow God and be such a bad rep?
I’ve followed Christ for years and I some of my Christ following friends and I still battle what some things mean. Some Christ-following communities disagree on certain things. I think there’s a special word for it: doctrine. What is taught… How it is taught… How this and that should be done…
Some have agreed to settle on agreeing on the ‘important things’… Some things do matter more than others?
On the other hand, if I completely understood God would He be God? If I could completely define and present Him wholly, to my friends would they choose to follow Him and purposes for their lives for Him?
It is difficult not having all the answers, especially when it comes to those that aren’t following Christ, like I claim to be. If you’re one of my friends reading this, I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers about God. About how life sometimes happens the way it does.
I’m sorry for misrepresenting God by fabricating His perspective. Sometimes I have told you something about how God must be or think, or why he does or did something the way he does / did. I’ve lied for the sake of wanting to give you answer. For the sake of me looking good. For the sake of making sure God wasn’t embarrassed or ridiculed.
I have questions but my belief in the God who made the entire universe, yet numbers the hairs on my head, is greater than the questions. I trust more in what I’ve come to know about Him. In how I know Him, than in the unanswered. I also know that it is His grace that connects me with a deeper purpose for my life and the lives of others.
The best I can do, from now on, is share what I know. When I don’t know I will tell you, “I don’t know”. Then, I’ll pray that the God, who can reveal Himself to you, reveals Himself to you. I also pray that for myself. Often.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)
[Photo Credit: BuzzFarmers]